The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle
by Sara Minks
Summary: Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle, as I see it, from Ron's bedroom. Open to suggestions- please Read and Review!
1. Martin Miggs Buys New Shoes

The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Martin Miggs, J.K. Rowling does! But I own this story, so you'd better like it, dammit! *Runs away as people start throwing tomatoes at her*  
  
About the Author:  
  
Charlene Mayor is a witch currently living in London. She has written many adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle, and was nominated for Witch Weekly's Best Young Adult Stories three times. She spent one year living as a muggle in London to research for her comic books. Today, she enjoys spending time with her cat, Microwave, and her tree-monkey, Beeper.  
  
  
  
"Martin Miggs buys new shoes"  
  
Martin Miggs needed some new shoes; his had holes big enough to push a wand through. So, he decided to go buy a new pair of shoes in London. However, Martin Miggs lived south of London, in a small town called Muggleville. He decided to take the Muggleville Transit (a train station) and go to London. However, Martin Miggs didn't have a car he could use! His car had broken down a long time before, and he didn't know how to fix it!* So, he decided to call a taxi** to take him to the train station. About 15 minutes later (cars can't Apparate in the muggle world), after he had called the taxi company using a telephone (a sort of communication system muggles use), his taxi arrived. He started to say, "To the Muggleville Transit, please," when, "Oh no!" – he realized he needed money to buy a new pair of shoes! So he went to the Muggleville Bank (similar to Gringotts, except there are no tunnels, carts, goblins, or any magic involved), and asked the bank teller (muggle word for what goblins do at Gringotts) for money out of his vault. He showed the teller his social security card*** and received the money needed.  
  
Finally, Martin was on his way. He found a new taxi (the other one had left while he was in the bank!) and headed for Muggleville Transit. Finally, he reached the station! He went to the ticket booth ("One for London, please"), and walked onto the train. He found a seat by the window, and sat down. Nearly one hour later, a plump woman with the food cart came around. Martin bought a soda (a drink that makes muggles need to drink more). Finally, one whole hour after that (muggle transportation is quite slow, after all), Martin had arrived at London! He was so excited! He ran all the way to the shoe shop, ready to buy new shoes, only to find that "Oh no!"- the shoe shop was closed! It was Sunday. Poor Martin!  
  
New shoe-less, Martin sadly re-boarded the train. As the ticket- holder came around (muggle who collects tickets from passengers), the only thing Martin could do was hand him his ticket. He was so disappointed! He left the Muggleville Transit, and found another taxi. He was almost home, when "Oh!"- Martin saw that the Muggleville Shoe Shoppe was open! Martin screamed for joy as he rushed in. All the shoes he could want! Only five minutes from home! Martin picked out his favourite pair of shoes, and ran to pay the cashier. But "Oh no, not again!"- Martin didn't have enough money to pay for his shoes! Seeing that poor Martin was at a loss, the cashier said,  
  
"Don't worry, Martin, the rest is on me."  
  
"Oh, thank you ever so much! A great new pair of shoes! All for me! I'll pay you back next time!"  
  
And with that, Martin left the shoe store, wearing his great new pair of shoes. He sighed. "I love Muggleville!" And with that, and a skip in his new shoes, Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle went home.  
  
  
  
Cultural Notes:  
  
*Muggles haven't invented self-repairing cars yet.  
  
**A car belonging to a company that drives muggles around to where they need to go for money. Similar to the Knight Bus, except it takes much longer to get where they need to go- over 1 hour for less than 100 miles!  
  
***Card that lets muggles keep track of each other. 


	2. Martin Miggs Visits a Friend

A/N- imagine this in comic book form. If you're too lazy, read on anyways, it's amusing ;).  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Martin Miggs, but I do own this story.... not that it matters anyway, this isn't good enough for anyone to sue me for it.... *wink wink*  
  
  
  
"Martin Miggs visits a friend"  
  
One beautiful Wednesday, while Martin Miggs was at home, planting flowers** in the flower-box underneath his windowsill, his doorbell (button near front door that makes noise when it is pressed; shows arrival of other muggles) rang. He jumped up, wiped his dirty hands on his pants, and ran to see who was there. It was Mr. Edin, the postman***! He handed Martin a letter with a dip of his cap and skipped back down the sidewalk.  
  
Martin looked at the letter. It was from his friend, John Jones, inviting him to come stay at his house for a weekend! Martin rushed to his telephone* and called his friend, John.  
  
"Hello, John!"  
  
"Hello, Martin! I see you received my letter!"  
  
"Yes, and thank you ever so much! I'd love to stay at your house for a weekend!"  
  
"Lovely! How about this weekend?"  
  
"That'd be fantastic! I'll be there Friday afternoon!"  
  
"Great! See you then! 'Bye!"  
  
The next two days passed by very quickly as Martin prepared for the weekend. He checked and rechecked his suitcase over and over again, and was too excited to even garden! Finally, Friday came. Martin called a taxi* that took him to the Muggleville Transit*, where he waited for the train to come with impatience. When it finally arrived, he hopped on. But "Oh No!"- Martin forgot his suitcase at the train station. He ran to the front of the train and asked the conductor to turn around. But he wouldn't! Martin was shocked! By the time he got to the Jacksonville Transit (the station near John Jones's house), he was almost in tears! Poor Martin! He couldn't believe that people could be that disagreeable! As soon as he left the train, however, John Jones came to find him, and was he ever glad to see him! He explained his story, and on the way back to John's house, they stopped at the Jacksonville Mall**** where, using his credit card (a bit of plastic that muggles pass through a machine, that lets them buy things without giving out cash), he bought a whole new wardrobe. And, so happy (these purchases in a mall with a credit card often make muggles very happy- the reason why is currently being researched at Mulumbia University, in Dover) with his new clothes, he walked all the way back to John's house with a smile on his face.  
  
As soon as he got there, he was greeted with John's dog^ who seemed very happy for his arrival. The house was large, blue, and had a Victorian style, which was pleasant after Martin's old brick home. The next weekend was wonderful; Martin and John did many things together, such as playing tennis^^, going swimming, gardening, and even going to a party with John's friends! Overall a great weekend, Martin was sad when Sunday night came and he had to say goodbye. As he trudged to the Jacksonville Transit (in his new shoes, by the way*), he was quite sad- but then John said,  
  
"Maybe next time I can come to your house!"  
  
This made Martin so happy he soon forgot his troubles that Monday would bring. He sighed as he stepped back onto the train, but it was with a smile that he returned home.  
  
  
  
Cultural Notes:  
  
*See "Martin Miggs buys new shoes"  
  
**Muggles have a most peculiar fashion of gardening; they remove all the weeds in a garden, which, as we all know, are very useful in potions, and replace them with brightly colored flowers (that serve no purpose) by buying dirt, sticking the flowers in the dirt, and then covering them with new dirt! They then water the dirt! What will they think of next?  
  
***Muggles, not having domesticated owls for the purpose yet, send other muggles to deliver their mail, called 'postmen'. This method is quite inefficient, of course, because one needs to buy stamps (sticky squares that are of no use whatsoever) to send a letter out, and after that it takes quite long for the muggle to get from one place to another, making muggle mail very slow.  
  
****A Mall is a sort of shopping and reuniting center for muggles; they often meet there and buy things together, and there are many different kinds of stores. However, unlike your favorites like Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade Boulevard, all of these stores are inside one premanufactured building, usually created about six months before, and it lacks of real air (or, for that matter, real charm).  
  
^Animals in the muggle world have no powers, or at least none that they make visible to muggles. They do nothing very exciting (unlike the latest altered Ramora, which as a fish not only anchors ships and has powerful magical powers, but has been made to emanate a strong glow to its owner to help the person through dark waters- muggle fish just swim around), but are said to be quite loyal (probably owing to their subnormal intellect).  
  
^^Muggle sport in which a ball that bounces quite high but is only full of air is hit by overlarge snowshoes on a hard surface over a net. The scoring is quite complicated, and the game overall is not really worth the trouble- but muggles don't have broomsticks, after all, so it's hard to find a good replacement for Quidditch.  
  
  
  
A/N- me again! if you have any story line ideas, review them to me! No flames please- if you don't like my story, you shouldn't have read this far (but since you did, please send me a nice review! ;) Well, ok, I like the smiley faces, so sue me! *Is startled as large men in business suits enter room, and proceed to drag her and her computer away, amid shouts of "I was just JOKING!"* 


	3. Author's Note

A/N- Thank you to all my 11 reviewers!!! I love you guys so much!! You made me really happy!!!  
  
Lady Feylene- My first reviewer! You're awesome!  
  
Ivory Tower- 2 of my reviews! Yay! Yeah, I hoped it's the kind of thing Arthur Weasley would like- besides being very informative about the Muggle Culture, of course. Good idea- camping/hiking, I'll try to work those in too!  
  
Amberdulen- Hehe good show right back at ya, old chap!  
  
Tess- thanks a lot! Minutae... hmm, I'm gonna have to look that one up...  
  
Kat Burnell- ah, a fellow snorter-while-laughing. I feel your pain. ;)  
  
smile7499- thanks, I was hoping it'd be semi-amusing...  
  
Marvela- good luck with Martin Miggs! Tell me when you've started, so I can check it out?  
  
Nayanya Potter- Thanks! Hilarious and cute.... aw, look, Martin's blushing....  
  
Jordyn- It may be kind of weird, but I'd say the work reflects on the writer, wouldn't you? Great idea- I'll try to work that one in!  
  
Harriet- I think the house I'd like to be in would be Ravenclaw, it sounds by far the best- though I suppose Griffindor wouldn't be too bad... thanks for the ideas- football and a picnic... hmmm  
  
WittchWay- Thanks for reviewing! Yes, I took Martin under by wing, I just hope he'll be alright. This other person did a Martin Miggs fic too, but it was where he was a mad scientist and all of a sudden Tom Riddle's diary pops in from the middle of nowhere... I hope mine makes a little more sense than that! ;)  
  
  
  
One more thing- anyone care to help me? I have a few questions- 1) how do you get the italics, paragraphs, etc. into the documents? 2) what does OC and MMPM or something like that mean? I figured out most of the rest.... R&R, flame, A/N, etc.... 3) how come my stories only show up if you look under humor? I'm so confused... If anyone'd like to help me out, that'd be awesome. Thanks!! Next chapter coming soon- Probably Martin Miggs gets a job, because Jordyn was the first one with an idea... I was gonna do it this weekend but ended up watching Fantasia instead... I love that movie.... Ok, now I'm rambling, so thanks for reading! Update soon!  
  
Oh, and some observations on my part- Dumbledore's titles- "Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorceror, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards" What is Grand Sorceror, Supreme Mugwump, and what is a Warlock- aren't male witches wizards? When does the story about Dumbledore's defeat of Grindelwald come out? Where? When does Fawkes' ability to disappear and reappear come in? Is the Order of the Phoenix a group against Voldemort or an older thing- a sort of award of some kind that gives the user power? And finally- Is Dumbledore evil? Hmmm.... The last one may be weird, but look at his little quirks... I don't think so, but I have a bet going with my brother and want to see if any of you fabulous readers agree with him. I might write a story on all these, because they're all concerning Dumbledore (After I'm done with Martin, of course). Tell me what you think!  
  
Sara Minks 


	4. Martin Miggs gets a Job

Martin Miggs had a problem. He didn't have any more money, and he really wanted to go on vacation. So, after lots of thought, Martin decided that he'd get a job. He had always done odd jobs- mowing grass*, babysitting, cleaning houses, and the like. But Martin wanted a nice vacation- to travel somewhere, so he needed more money than what he had. So, martin bought a newspaper at a newspaper stand** in Muggleville, and started looking for a job (Muggle newspapers have sections similar to our "Magic-in- Use" section of the Daily Prophet, in which open jobs are displayed). He saw many different ones- policemen (Muggle law enforcers), firemen (Muggles that run around in red trucks and put out fire with lots of water- a slow process, but nevertheless effective), acrobat (flexible muggles that jump around on bars in non-magic circuses- which, of course, are not circuses at all), and many more, but none seemed very interesting. Finally, Martin saw a good one- a baker! Martin would be a baker***.  
  
Right away, he picked up his telephone^ and dialed the number on the page to make an appointment for an interview. Then, he ran to his closet and picked out his best suit, a plaid blue and yellow outfit, blue tie, and a white shirt (Muggles have a very peculiar sense of a nice outfit- they're usually quite hideous, in colors that are horrible together), then got out his comb, and brushed his hair. Now he was ready.  
  
He ran to his car and hopped in (Muggle figure of speech- they do not actually "hop" into the car, but it suggests entering quickly). He then drove to the address that the woman on the telephone had given him. It was a small shop, called "Muggleville Flour Shop", a play on words that many found quite amusing (this is called a 'pun', an amusing muggle invention- as long as it is not a constant occurrence). He walked to the front counter of the shop with a smile on his face and announced,  
  
"I'm here for the job interview! I'm going to be a baker!"  
  
"Hello, Mr. Miggs."  
  
"Please, call me Martin."  
  
"As you wish, (A/N- there you go!! The best line in the world!! Don't ask if you're one of the deprived people who have never seen "A Princess- Bride". Hmm... Could this be foreshadowing?) Martin. My name is Sylvia Andrews. You may call me Sylvia. Please, follow me."  
  
With that, Martin was led into a brightly lit kitchen, in which a table and two chairs were placed. A round man with flour all over his clothes appeared, and motioned for Martin to sit down.  
  
"Well, Martin, so you'd like to be a baker".  
  
"Yes, I would."  
  
"What makes you think you'd be good for this job?"  
  
"I like cooking very much."  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"Well, I'm quite good at it."  
  
"A modest one, aren't we. Well, sorry Martin. You're not what I'm looking for."  
  
Oh no! Poor Martin! What would he do?!  
  
"But... sir, I really want to be a baker."  
  
"Do you now? Haha, Martin, I was only kidding you! You've got the job!" (A/N- come on, I wouldn't be that mean to poor Martin!")  
  
"R... Really, sir? That's great!" And with that, a happy Martin strolled out of the door.  
  
  
  
1 Cultural Notes  
  
*Muggles have noisy machines called lawn mowers. They're like a cart with spinning blades underneath, and it shears off the top part of grass. It is very inefficient, of course, because the cut grass is then put back onto the remaining grass, giving an untidy appearance to a muggle garden, which is usually the reason why muggles try to mow their lawn in the first place.  
  
**Booths that hold newspapers instead of having them delivered by owls- quite a ridiculous concept, of course, but one has to stay open minded to non-magic ways.  
  
***A baker is a peculiar job in the muggle world. Muggles, for the most part, do not make their own bread or pastries, but pay a person to do so for them. That person does just that for their job- baking all day. I think it would be a very agreeable profession, which is why Martin is so interested in it. 


End file.
